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Building Trust

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

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Building Trust

Having someone's trust is like having money in the bank. Just like a bank account, you must make deposits if you expect to make withdrawals. When you keep your word, it's like making a deposit into your trust fund. The more often you perform the way you promised, the larger your balance is. Whenever you break your word, you have made a withdrawal from your account.

You have a separate trust fund with each person that you have a relationship with. If you have been making regular deposits into your account with that individual, when the time comes that you are unable to keep your word (let's face it, nobody's perfect!), you will still have a large enough balance of trust to draw from. That person will realize that your account is still good. You are trustworthy!


Here are a few tips:

Trust is the confidence in truth of something, a faith, belief or conviction. It could be from own experience, perception, or others’ opinions.
Bhagavad Gita says “The ignorant, the faithless, the doubting self goes to destruction; there is neither this world nor the other, nor happiness for the doubter.”

 

Trust is implicit, it is built into humans as babies. Subsequently judgmentalism and mistrust is programmed into us in the form of taking caution or protecting oneself. Children are basically very happy because they trust everyone. The pre-teen years consist of black and white thinking i.e. the world has a clear demarcation of heroes and villains. In adolescence we lose trust and then there is turmoil & a questioning of values.

 

Trust begets trust & people live up to it when you trust them. Become trustworthy – keep your word, timings and commitment to duty and people. You will build up a reputation.
Basic requirement of love is also trust – you cannot build a strong relationship or have long lasting love unless there is trust. Trust can improve or spoil communication – without trust there is suspicion of intentions and thereby breakdown of the relationship.

 

Those who cannot trust are lonely people. Remember the proverb “When you love something, let it go. If it comes back it is yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.”
Trust adds to our self esteem -- we get the feeling “I have no fear of losing because what I have is what I truly deserve”. We all have selective trust due to our programming. Some of us are in an atmosphere of mistrust, and we further reinforce it, making our own life unhappy. Trust is difficult to build, but very easy to destroy (at times we LOOK for negatives due to our suspicion). Sometimes we blindly trust and get hurt. But it is wrong to generalize. There are others who are trustworthy.
Trust is the only way to change others. If you want to bring about a positive change in others, start trusting them. Trust needs to be nurtured – test out your trust levels with each person practically.

We are all selfish emotionally, and we want others to behave the way we do. Instead, all we need to do is to give the other person the benefit of doubt. What is the worst that can happen if you trust? Try it and see.

About the author


This website was initially conceived and designed by the late Sitaram N
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