Let's Share Emotions, Thoughts


The Myth

Author: Lalita Jakathe

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/the-myth-by-lalita-jakathe

The myth of romantic love is an illusion. A myth may or may not be true. But the experience will last forever. This myth is a cultural invention, a common tradition dating back to Middle Ages.

Emotions of romance and love would have been created by our own set of beliefs, or even infused by friends and related elders around us.

Reading the age old “Chandamama” story books, “Amar chitra katha” fairy tales where a handsome strong Prince and a poor damsel in distress, a Mermaid and the wood cutter (the list can go on) will fall in love and after a long tale of love will marry and live happily ever after,we as kids either by reading or hearing these tales would have been mesmerized with the quote “happily ever after” without having any doubt of what actually happens after this “ever after.”

A few other prevalent sayings by our own people like “God has destined and we all elders approve you both husband and wife” “Horoscopes are matching with maximum compatibility, so both of you can tie the knot of marriage” and so on, creates emotions of illusions of romantic love. And we believe or are made to believe that this is real.

These myths may actually be getting in the way of truly nding the “happily ever after” in our lives. Then what is true love?

Now after the marriage and the honeymoon phase, the real life begins. We begin to sense the beginning of problems. We feel the consequences of the unmet needs. We start to see the other person, more like they truly are, not what we needed or thought them to be. Then starts the fault nding with each other, a period of indifferent behaviors, ego clashes and thus remain together in misery or separate with a baggage of hurt, anger and being cynical of relationship.

True happiness of love is not a theory, a Solar Eclipse Men and Women Price of LOVE 7 writer's imagination or a ction, it must be created and experienced by the “self.”

Being aware of one's self is the 1st truth. Recognizing, managing my own thoughts, feelings in a compassionate way even if they are scary or inconvenient. Once I am committed to my own truth, then I can work to create a long lasting relationship.

Now, with the partner. He/she is a different individual with different pattern of thoughts, behaviors, cultural and t raditional upbringing. To recognize and understand this individual from his/her point of view is the next priority.

Both the individuals should rst accept their own feel. The Truth, the same level of accepting each other.

And now learning to adopt the four basic Truths. Respect for each other's individuality, the Trust on each other (the understanding attribute) the Commitment which is being with each other in unusual situations too and enveloping the magnicent communication mantra “Speaking and listening skills should rst be learnt and sharpened often”

These 4 basic Truths will surely create a strong spectrum of love for ever, as each other's individuality is the only foundation upon which a mature marriage can be based and real love can grow.



Solar Eclipse

Author: S.R.Mahesh Raju

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/solar-eclipse-by-s-r-mahesh-raju

As the sun rises from the mountain cradle, and reaches the top of the world, a ball as dark as the depths of an Abyss rushes to the arena.

Like a black knight galloping ahead to seek revenge, he engulfs the sun and his light, forcing all ora and fauna to bow to his indisputable supremacy.

But regarding the heart rendering cries of life, he agrees to bear upon his defeated enemy; and releases his prisoner – with grace and majesty.

As that warrior of great power departs, he leaves behind a ring of gold studded with a sparkling diamond, as a souvenir of his heroic exploit to be remembered for a long time.

As his chariot of darkness leaves the battle eld the sun is shining bright and all is ne.



“Cover Up,Your Shape is Showing.” Why should I?

Author: The Fuan Writer

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/cover-upyour-shape-is-showing-by-the-fuan-writer

Why should I?
Why must I?
Why do I have to hide myself under sheets,
When I go outside to be free to breathe?


“Cover Up, Your Shape Is Showing.”
From your restraining grasps,
I struggle to keep quiet.
I bite my tongue,
Because I'm tired of being disobedient.


“Cover Up, Your Shape Is Showing.”
The enveloping sense of protection,
Made inherently a fear of the outside,
Feeding the paranoia of the eyes watching you,
Watching your every move,
Your every breath with the rise of your chest,
The boys in your class, the men on the streets,
All you should hide from, hide your unprotected self,
Your backside, your legs, your shoulders, your breast.


“Cover Up, Your Shape Is Showing.”
Sexualizing every curve, skin curling,
Flesh burning, to freeze in place,
For movement causes the fabric to stick
And display your wares for shameless gazes.


“Cover Up, Your Shape Is Showing.”
“Your gure is a woman's,
You can't forever hide yourself,
Under those shirts you wear.”
Shame on you, for making me conform,
To your ideals of dressage, your perfect uniform.
I always look pretty to you then, don't I?
Innocent and Feminine. Modest as they come.


“Cover Up, Your Shape Is Showing.”
I mumble to myself,
As I zip up my over sized jacket to cover up,
The shape of me.



Life's Favourite Song

Author: Natasha Anne Wheeler

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/lifes-favourite-song-author-natasha-anne-wheeler

I walk along a rustic path
Leading to the key to my heart.
I stand alone on this trail
Never letting my dreams go frail,
Aware that I walk towards the light
Seldom faltering in the dreadful night.
Not knowing where this road may lead
Life sure is a mystery, yes, indeed!
I keep going, uncertain but strong
Humming an echo of life's favourite song.



Who Are You?

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/who-are-you-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

Who Are You?

As an ardent student of human behavior, I often like to know how much time people spend in trying to understand their own self. Many of us take deep interest in analyzing, understanding and commenting on others. Not only those who are involved with us, but even about political leaders, film stars, celebrities etc. Hours are spent in idle conversations and comments about people whose lives we cannot (and should not) change in any way. But we do not spend even a fraction of that time trying to analyze and understand about ourselves.

You will live with yourself 24/7 X 365 for all the years of your life. You need to know your upbringing, attitudes, values, likes and dislikes. You need to introspect on what have been your achievements and your frustrations. You should evaluate what you have gained and what you have missed out in life. You should also be aware of the changes within you, how your aspirations and priorities evolve, what makes you happy or unhappy. Only if you do this periodically will you be able to face any challenges squarely.

In my training programs I often ask a question unexpectedly, “Who are you?” and ask them to answer immediately. It is amazing how many people flounder – they write the roles they are playing, ‘what’ they are, but many cannot really answer ‘who’ they are. Are you able to answer to yourself,

“Who are you?”

About the author



Orientation to The Little Boys

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/orientation-to-the-little-boys-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

Orientation to The Little Boys

"We ask our daughters where they were, but we do not ask our sons where they were and what they were doing..."

Often I stop on the road and discreetly watch the cute scene of a little boy holding the hand of an even tinier sister or cousin and taking her to school. I often wonder what happens to these boys when they grow up and develop insensitive feelings towards the fairer sex. Is it their fault, or is it the upbringing we give them?

For years and decades I have been reading about the sporadic incidents of eve-teasing, molestation and harassment of women in different places and cultures. Of late, thanks to social media, a big uproar is created, and people even come on to the roads with placards and justifiable anger and protests. The poor police is often made the scapegoats, whether they use force or whether they keep quiet.

I have very often wondered why we are not looking at a long term solution. As Prime Minister Mr. Modi said, "we ask our daughters where they were, but we do not ask our sons where they were and what they were doing."

Can we not begin by giving a better orientation to the little boys around us while they are still in their innocence? Anyone taking the lead, I am willing to join.

About the author



Happy Independence Day

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/happy-independence-day-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

Happy Independence Day

The festival worth celebrating most, our country’s Independence Day, has just gone past.

Most of us were born after India gained independence, so we have not experienced what it is like to live under the control of a foreign power. When we go around a totally free, democratic, secular and unrestricted gigantic nation, we perhaps cannot visualize what it must have been to be asked to crawl on certain roads because the Britishers felt offended by the ‘natives’, or what it was to see signboards reading “Dogs and Indians not Allowed” in our own nation.

The one very important festival that binds us together whether we are Hindu, Christian, Muslim, Sikh, atheist or Banjara is our Independence Day. Let us not only celebrate this great day with all enthusiasm and from the heart, but let the spirit of Independence continue in our hearts many days after 15th August is over. Let us cherish and protect this freedom from restrictive practices, internal and external threats, and even from our own narrow-minded thoughts if they occur.

Happy Independence!


About the author



Guru Purnima - What really is a Guru?

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/what-really-is-a-guru-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

Guru Purnima - What really is a Guru?

Guru Purnima came and went last month. Even the full moon was a little dull due to cloudy weather. I received many messages of gratitude and appreciation that warmed my heart – though personally I don’t believe that I have really been a Guru as such.

Which made me think – what really is a Guru? Is it just the teachers who taught us through text books, is it the religious wise men who give sermons, is it the person who coaches you when you have exams and sees that you pass? Surprisingly my best and most effective gurus have been none of these – they have been people who encouraged me to think for myself, motivated me to progress without them being my crutches, cheered me on when I was doing something nice, and stood by me when I faltered.

Happy Guru Purnima

Some of my gurus have also been my worst critics who made all efforts to pull me down, and in the process lit a spark of determination in me that I should prove them wrong!

Many a time we do not realize how much we are learning from different people, leave alone acknowledging and appreciating them for what they have given us! Shall we start doing it now at least?

About the author



When I write, I do so for myself

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/when-i-write-i-do-so-for-myself-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

When I write, I do so for myself

Sometimes people appreciate what I write, at times they say they do not understand, and some just ignore because they are too busy to read trivia. Of course in this age of Instagram and Twitter, perhaps reading a few paragraphs, and that too on paper and not on the mobile, must be quite a task to many people. But that does not discourage me, because I write for myself…..

I have always held the view that it is better to love than to be loved. Not many agree with me, at least not in practice. But I believe that when I love I am in control of myself, I am choosing to do what makes me happy. I am not dependent on anyone, not even on the person I love. Hence life is so much smoother and fulfilling.

Similarly, when I write I am bringing out my thoughts. Why should it be important to me whether others choose to read, agree, criticize, condemn, or as in most cases ……ignore? If you are reading this, don’t evaluate my expression. Use it to create thoughts and ideas of your own – and share it with others. You may have much more and better things to say than me, and there may be people who appreciate your inputs.

About the author



If you …..

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/if-you-

If you are aware of your feelings and acknowledge it
If you accept yourself and love yourself
If you are a witness to your own truth and share it.
If you help another discover himself
If you relieve suffering and exude peace and happiness
If you share your unique points of view
If you give people diversion from their toil so that they are refreshed in their efforts
If you survive to tell someone else's story and your story

If you simply share …. A life that is shared is enriched



Expectations are not a straight line….

Author: Kumaraswamy S K

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/expectations-are-not-a-straight-line-by-author-kumaraswamy-s-k

'Expectations' is a very inevitable part of our life, each day starts with some or other expectation. We have various relationships and we have expectations from every relationship!

Father, mother, brother, sister, friends, husband, wife, uncle, and aunty, so on & on…. Some expect as responsibility, love, duty, “because I did this to you why not do for me”…. etc.

There has been a longlasting high degree of expectation from this relation of parents & children. All of us agree the degree of sacrice each parent takes up in g i v i n g b i r t h t o t h e children and to educate t h em t o b e a b l e & capable persons to lead a comfortable life, is phenomenal. Yes, Mother Nature has put this in our life... a circle which is never incomplete… today's parents are tomorrow's grandparents & today's children are tomorrow's parents. In this relationship knowing that I will be a father tomorrow, the children still do not fulll their responsibilities to the parents. These parents in turn crib that their child is not taking care of them, all this again there is something called EXPECTATIONS.

There are arguments that only when you expect, you get disappointed, so better not to expect anything from any one. Sounds good & right… isn't it… But can we really keep quiet without any expectations from our near and dear?

Maybe we can rationalize our expectations, balancing the priorities between parents (Duties as son) wife (forthcoming life with wife & child) one cannot be only towards one side. As parents we need to be proactive to be selfsuf cient nancially, not emptying our earnings, keep it for our last days.

You can be done with any relationship if you do not want but the marriage relationship is different. Expectations are very high in this relationship since there is only one individual in the relationship to fulll the expectations. This is one to one relationship, unlike siblings, friends etc.

Married relationship has that kind of ownership expectations. He or she belongs to me. Sometimes it's too suffocating, because anything more is poison. All need to have their own space, and expectations often turn out to be the demands. Most common expectations are: He or she does not spend enough time with me, does not love the same as earlier, has lost interest, does not care for me etc.

Many times we live in our expectations framed by our own expectations, like I expect my husband to be like this, or wife to be like this, but the fact is whether he or she is wired for it. M a n y t i m e s o u r expectations are borrowed, looking at the others we frame our expectations. A couple behaves closely in a public place, seen by other couple, the expectations relate & start expectations why can't we be so… examples can be in hundreds.

God knows when we will be free from our unreasonable EXPECTATIONS.



Can Humans Survive Without Nature?

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/can-humans-survive-without-nature

When will we move from HDI to UDI, that is, from Human development Index to Universal Development Index ? It is because rather than nurturing the nature we have started abusing the nature. Rather than treating the nature as Source we have started using her as Resource. Trees are being cut brutally . Animals are being killed inhumanly. Even we are becoming Smarts- smart cities and smart villages . There is a need to redene smart in India.

Every entity has its own place in the universe . Every element of this universe needs to be duly respected. Where have gone the sparrows , butteries and glowworms? What is the rate of plantation of MicroWave towers? Is digital India the resolve to all the problems of India? Which are the considerations for new system designs and conversion? A sparrow is as signicant as a human baby. A tree is as important as a human being. A glow worm is as important as a saint. Tiger, deer and elephants are as important as human creature.

We have stopped realizing that the survival of human beings is directly proportional to the survival of the nature. We are depriving our children of their childhood. The beauties of the childhood are lost in the school curriculum framework. The children are deprived of the games, sports and nature. There is rarely drinking water in the schools. Children carry their own bottles. We the human beings have made our own lives miserable. Most of the problems are deliberately invented by the so called civilized, modern human beings.

What is the resolve? Let us not be over smart. There is a need to develop Universe Development Index considering the life expectancy of every organism, healthy culture of every organism and investment and income on every entity.



Positive to the End

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/positive-to-the-end

Positive reinforcement is always fantastic to hear and I have been blessed to have received an immense amount. It helps us warriors get through tough days and sometimes the words spoken can be exactly what we need to hear.

However, from your perspective, it can't be easy to respond to the news of a loved one b ein g d iagn osed with can cer. On e' s instinctive reaction is to let their own fears takeover, but most often that isn't what a new warrior needs to see or feel.

How one responds to news and acts spontaneously is of utmost importance. So as a resident of the cancer universe, I thought I could assist you in dealing with your own emotions or certain situations better while you support your warrior.

Of course this is only my perspective and each warrior responds differently, but I hope it benets you nevertheless.

Chronic Disease, not Terminal:

Cancer is no longer considered a terminal disease. Warriors live with cancer and they can function ne. There are numerable other diseases that are incurable but cancer fortunately has many treatments available. So yes, it is a tough journey but it doesn't always have a negative conclusion.

I don't know when my cancer will go into remission. It probably will or won't, but that's not going to stop me from planning the next fty years of my life. Hence if you hear of somebody's diagnosis, don't let fear of death cloud your emotions.

Gauge your emotions:

The reason I can battle cancer with strength is because nobody cries or acts weak in front of me. My support group is very matter of fact about my illness and we have normal conversations.

Therefore gauge your emotions and behavior around those in treatment. Also, this needs to be done each time you are around a warrior. Our own mood can be very erratic hence your emotions shouldn't burden further.

Some days I am happy to cry about my cancer with a friend but other times I have cut off from well wishers, because their perturbation was too overwhelming for me.

Take permission before sharing information:

When we know a cancer warrior and receive information about the d i s e a s e , t h e impulsive reaction is to share it with them. And you should!

It helps us gather points on how to care for ourselves while taking away the responsibility of nding the information single handed. However, it's polite to seek permission before you share.

Respect the morbidity:

Despite everything I say in my blogs, the rst reaction when I was diagnosed was 'tik tok there goes my clock'… and morbid thoughts come from time to time.

It can be difcult to hear a warrior talk about their death but be strong and listen to us. You don't have to say anything. One hug at the end of the conversation is all that is expected of you.

Motivate on Vertical Days

I learnt this interesting concept from a fellow warrior when I entered the cancer universe. She said 'Sonia, I have two type of days, vertical and horizontal. The days I am ne I am vertical- up and running and the days I am not, I'm horizontal- sleeping on my bed'. It's been the easiest way to explain to family how I am feeling each day.

Bald is beautiful but don't lie:

Cancer alters a warrior's looks. Yes, we brave the changes happening to our skin and the loss of hair. It is also very nice of you to say that we carry off the look well or still look good. But it ok to agree with us and say “we miss how you looked too”.

Develop an appetite for intensity:

Till I am positive, cheerful and hunky dory, I have a lot of people around me. The day I am feeling morbid or grumpy, not so many. Of course nobody wants to be around an unpleasant person but hey, I have cancer! I'm allowed this much. So be strong and hear us on our tough days. That is when we need you. Strength is contagious: When you interact with a warrior, do it with all your love and positivity. Be a catalyst of strength.

Sonia Boury student of DCS 2010 and daughter of Neelam Boury student of DCS 2012, passed away in April after a valiant three year battle with cancer.



Whither Education?

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/improvement-of-our-education-system-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

Whither Education?

We talk so much about improvement of our education system, but nothing much seems to be happening. The reason becomes clear if you read these extracts from an article written by an eminent professor in a reputed University journal, and form your own opinion:

Quote: “Education is a process in which students acquire knowledge. How one perceives the knowledge and what is the process of coming to know are the pertinent questions here. The traditional method in which the learners receive the information passively is becoming outdated. Present practices are based on the beliefs that learners actively construct knowledge in their attempts to make sense of the world. Therefore learning should be emphasizing the development of meaning and understanding. Students should be able to acquire experiences and learn by themselves in various situations that they encounter over the course of their worldly lives.

Obviously, the traditional method fails to bring about desired outcomes Therefore there is a new trend i.e. constructive approach to bring out the desired outcomes in teaching learning process.”

The article further goes on….

“Constructivist teacher education generally reects 2 major traditions, the developmental and social reconstructions is traditions. Programs inuenced by the developmental tradition attempt to teach students how to teach in a constructive manner.” Unquote. Someone please explain what the enlightened soul is trying to tell us.

Some of our wisest and most eminent statesmen had predicted what may happen:

C Rajagopalachari, who later became the rst Indian Governor General of India, told in the 1930's about what will happen if India becomes a democracy: “Election replete with corruption, injustice and the tyranny of p o w e r , w e a lth and ine f  c i enc y o f administration will make a hell of life as soon as the freedom is given. Men will regretfully look back to the old regime of comparative justice, e f  c i e n c y , a n d h o n e s t administration. The only thing to be gained will be that we will be saved from the subordination and subjugation of foreign rule.” Unfortunately this has ltered into our education system. But ….. let us not give up hope. The more I interact with young people, the more optimistic I become that they will create a much better country and community than we have done.

About the author


Page 9 of 48


FREE Online Psychological Counselling by Banjara Academy for anyone, anywhere in the world FREE online counselling for the depressed

  • Are you stressed about your child?
  • Is your marriage in trouble?
  • Are you stressed about your education?
  • Do you feel overwhelmed by anxiety and fear?

Just mail your counsellor now, sharing your problems, your worries, your anxieties, your fears. Your counsellor will reply to you, and be there for you until you need her to help you cope and get going.

Leading Banjara Academy's online email counselling team of volunteer-counsellors, I realize it is not an easy task reaching out to a person one has never met, never seen, without the added advantage of gestures, eye contact, a gentle reassuring touch, tone of voice and yet providing empathy, positive strokes, making the person feel heard and understood.

With the aid of only written words, it is quite a task building trust, making people open up and share and helping them cope and feel better. So when in many instances they write back saying thank you and that they feel so much better, the feeling one gets is priceless and incomparable - knowing one has done something right, something good!

Hats off to all the volunteeer-counsellors of Banjara Academy who have been carrying on this work silently, anonymously for the last couple of years. Truly commendable! - Ali Khwaja


This website was initially conceived and designed by the late Sitaram N
Copyright © 2017 www.banjaraacademy.org. Creative Commons License
Except where otherwise noted, the Content of the Website of Banjara Academy - the text, the audios, the videos, the images - contributed by Dr Ali Khwaja and his team of volunteers at Banjara Academy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.