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"Born To Fly"

Written by: Nitin Sathe (Air Cdr)

Published by: Vitasta

A book review by: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/born-to-fly-book-review-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

Born To Fly

“Airborne to chairborne” wrote Flying Officer M P Anil Kumar when a crippling accident brought him down from the fighter jets he was flying, to the confines of a wheelchair for life. But there was no pathos or rancour in what he wrote – he described his journey from being an outstanding fighter pilot of the Indian Air Force to the life of a quadriplegic in a Rehab Centre as one would describe a change of job or city. And that article brought him innumerable fans among school children who adored him for a quarter of a century. As if life had not doled out enough challenges for him, he succumbed to cancer after an eventful quarter century of helping, encouraging and motivating innumerable youth with his “pencil” power, a pencil held in the mouth to tap out great words of wisdom on the computer keyboard.

MP’s life has been immortalized by his batch-mate, now serving as an Air Commodore in The IAF, after extensive research on every aspect of this amazing person who has no parallel in history. Air Cdr Sathe spent two years travelling, meeting people, interviewing everyone who had interacted with MP, and going through innumerable writings of the great pilot-turned- writer. The result is this book, whose Royalty will be chanelised towards formation of MP Anil Kumar Foundation to look after paraplegics in the country.

A brief review like this one cannot do justice to the book. Whether you wish to learn about our great Air Force, about fighter planes, about human dynamics, about courage against all odds, and about how role models are made, just go through this fascinating narrative – which starts from MPs early days in a small village in Kerala, to Sainik School, to NDA to Air Force Academy to Pathankot Air Force Station and then to the Paraplegic Rehabilitation Centre in Pune. A life lived beyond the wildest expectations of anyone, a person worth saluting with respect, regard, love and honour.

About the author


 

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The Charm of Personal Story Telling

Author: Raja Sekhar Mamidanna

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/the-charm-of-personal-story-telling-by-author-raja-sekhar-mamidanna

I guess our generation was the last one to experience the charm of personal story telling.

Grand parents and their art of story telling is almost lost. The excitement of listening to 'long long ago' and once upon a time' is now long long ago and once upon a time.

We don't listen to stories now. We read them. We watch them.

Our generation can't tell stories. How can we ? Mobiles, TVs, laptops and Internet is always seeking our attention. To tell a story we have to hold the attention of the listener just like our grand parents did. They were not perfect story tellers. They were just perfect people.

All is not lost. I still have hope. Someday I will address the next generation, 'long long ago'. I will install in their heads an app called, 'Nostalgia'.

You see Nostalgia is a powerful thing. It's the bridge which never falls. Never fails. It will connect us to the lost art of storytelling!


 

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The Attitude of Indifference

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/are-people-becoming-indifferent-to-others-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

The Attitude of Indifference

I don’t know if I am over-reacting, but I find more and more people who do not stick to their commitments, punctuality, or minor responsibilities. In this era of very easy communication, I find people who do not take calls or messages, do not call back, and do not show any remorse when questioned on it.

At times it becomes a question of how important or useful you are to them. If you are a person in authority or are useful to them in some way, then they do not wait for you to contact them, they are calling you up constantly, sending mails, sending “gentle” reminders of what you have to do for them. And once the work is over, they go back to the same attitude of indifference.

I do agree that we live in a competitive world, and everyone wants to keep climbing up the ladder of success. But what I fail to understand is that having people to support you when you stumble, cheer you on when you are struggling, or guide you if you are straying from your path – are as important as those who can actually give you a lift. Even Newton, when praised for his great achievements, is reported to have said, “I could see far ahead because I was standing on the shoulders of tall men.” There are emotionally tall men and women all around us. They are not celebrities or billionaires or persons in authority. But they can lend their shoulders, not only to climb and see far ahead, but sometimes to lean on and have a good cry. Are you nurturing such shoulders?

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Ancient Aviator Anecdote

'Trainers'

Author: Air Vice Marshal Cecil Parker, MVC VM (Retd)

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/trainers-by-author-cecil-parker

Depending upon the context in which it is used, the term 'trainers' can refer to people or to specialist sports shoes or to ight simulators! Fliers world-wide however know it as the generic term used for two-seater aircraft (AC) utilized for pilot training ranging from basic to type-trainers of high- performance, single-seat combat AC.

My generation's association with Indian Air Force trainer AC began in 1951 in Ambala with basic ying training in the fabric- covered, biplane, the Tiger Moth, in which the pupil ew from the rear cockpit! In the advanced stage of pilot training we ew from the front cockpit of the all-metal Harvard AC. Post-commission we moved to the CTU to convert on to the Tempest AC which had no type-trainer. We were therefore given four dual sorties from the front cockpit of the Spitre MK 1X – the trainer derivative of the famous 'Battle of Britain' ghter AC. In comparison the Tempest was a far more powerful, heavy and difcult AC to y; we survived but alas our naval aviator course mate did not. This was the end of our training on piston-engined, tail-wheel AC as the Tempest was soon grounded and we moved to a squadron equipped with the very rst jet AC of the IAF.

The Vampire type-trainer was still in the future hence we were briefed thoroughly and, after a ground-run, were launched solo in an AC where, for the very rst time, the engine, was behind us and we were seated in the nose of the AC; we coped! The next AC was the Toofani which also did not have a type-trainer but now, with over two years ying experience on Vampire jets, we converted more easily onto this French AC with it's toe-brakes and wing-tip tanks. At FIS (Flying Instructors School) we learned to y from the rear cockpit of the HT-2 and Harvard trainers as well as learning how to teach.

Back to squadron life and ten consecutive years on the Hunter AC which had a very professionally designed trainer variant with side-by-side seating. A good deal of my instructional ying was from the right hand seat especially at the (Hunter) OTU which I raised and commanded from 1966 – 69. During this period I also had the privilege of being taken up for an air experience sortie in a visiting Canberra AC by one of the IAF's legends who happened to be my then Station Commander. As a station commander myself, I inducted the tandem seater Polish Iskra trainer AC into the IAF and which, along with the Kiran trainer, we used for both advanced and applied stages of pilot training. As the Air Ofcer Commanding of an air base for Mig AC, I did my Type 69 conversion and as Commandant of the Air Force Academy ew the prototype HPT-32 trainer AC.

The last two trainer AC I ew in the air force were the Mig 23/T-24 from Leh and the Jaguar T-2 from Ambala where it all started 35 years earlier! My log book tells me that 35% of my ying hours are as a 'trainer' but, as all (old) pilots know, 100% was experiential learning!

The author is a retired air vice marshal of the IAF and a freelance writer who can be contacted at: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it


 

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Feel The Touch

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/touch-is-one-of-the-fve-senses

Touch is one of the ve senses with which we interact with the world, and just slight variation in touch can convey so much! A man who shakes the hand of a woman, and does not let go for two or three seconds more than necessary; a father who holds the arm of a son and gives a slightly tighter squeeze; a friend who silently slips his palm over the hand of a distressed buddy -- all these can speak volumes.

Human beings have a skin hunger, a need to be touched, held, and to feel the warmth of another body. Right from a baby who stops crying when the mother holds him to her bosom, to a dying man who puts his feeble hand out to whoever is by his bedside, we all need touch desperately. And unfortunately touch is rarely given as freely as it should be – in the name of etiquette, decency, etc. The frail old grandmother you go to and bend down for a cursory touch of her feet probably needs a bear hug more than mark of respect.

Many people resort to touching themselves because their need for touch is not fullled. Clasping one's hands, folding hands on one's chest, cupping the chin, crossing of legs, stroking one's face or body, masturbation, giving oneself a rigorous bath – are all indicators of this. I sincerely wish that in this lonely and formal world, there were more people who offered touch as a means of conveying their concern, affection, love or companionship

In a monitored experiment a Librarian was asked to delay in handing over the book but touch the hand of every member whose card had an even number, and those with odd card numbers were given fastservice,butwithoutatouch. Whena feedback was taken, members with even numbers gave much more positive comments than those with odd numbers, even though they were the ones who were givendelayedservice. This is the power of touch!

Research has also showed that tactile people (i.e. those who touch a lot), are generally found to be more attractive by others than much more good looking people who do not touch. Human touch has wide-ranging physical and emotional benets. It lessens pain, improves pulmonary function, increases growth in infants, slows heart rate, lowers blood pressure and glucose levels, and improves immune function. But by the time children reach their teen years, they receive only half as much touching as they did in the early part of their lives. Adults touch each other even less, and senior citizens receive the least touching of any age group. This may be due, at least in part, to emphasis on young- looking skin and the implication that older skin is unattractive and thus untouchable.

To help nd a socially acceptable middle ground, try touching a friend's lower arm, hand or shoulder lightly during a conversation. Both you and your friend will benet from this tactile form of communication. Aftertherstthree(eye-to- body contact, eye-to-eye contact, and speaking), the remaining nine involve touching (starting with holding hands, then kissing, and eventually sexual intimacy). While couples who are satised with each other do tend to touch more, the true indicator of a healthy long- term bond is not how often your partner touches you but how often he or she touches you in response to your touch.

Virginia Satir, one of the key family therapists of our time, said that we need to get four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth. So, you might think about it: are you getting your 12 hugs a day? It's important to do that for yourself, and to do that for your family and your kids.

At times when we feel the need, are we ready to have people to reach out to us? Don't we feel shy and reticent that we have to show our vulnerability to others, that we are lowering ourselves down to the level where others have tohelpusout? Manyofusdo.

80 million bacteria are transferred in a 10 second mouth-to-mouth kiss


 

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Don't mistake the PART for the WHOLE – Lesson on the Riveredge

Author: Sreedhar Mandyam

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/dont-mistake-the-part-for-the-whole-lesson-on-the-riveredge-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-sreedhar-mandyam

I must have been around nine-ten years when we were traveling from Bangalore to Mysore. My grandfather was with me. We stopped on the Cauvery River Bridge in Srirangapatna and since rivers are regarded as sacred, we were asked to bow to the River and offer some coins to the River. As kids we did not understand any of it but loved the act of throwing coins into the River. I asked my grandfather, “Is this the Cauvery River?” His answer left an impression on me. He replied, “This is part of the Cauvery River. No one can see the whole River. Wherever we go we see partoftheRiver” Howtrueisthat?

Work, Love, Life

Now does that apply to a lot of issues in our lives? We see part of things and assume about the whole? How many times have you heard yourself and others say, “My working life is crap”, “My marriage is a disaster”, “My life sucks”. Isyourworkinglifecompletecrapor part of it is crappy? Are there benets from your work life? Are you making good money from it? Are you having good relationships at work? Are you enjoying part of the routine? Yeah, parts of your work life could be something you don't like. Maybe you like everything about it except the commute. Maybe it is just the paperwork you dislike. Maybe you love the work but not SOME of the people whom you have to work with. Are you mistaking the PART for the WHOLE?

Which Parts of the Relationship are not working?

What about your marriage or your close relationship? ALL of it is BAD? Maybe you just don't like the additional relatives part? May be it is the lack of attention lately from your partner that is bugging you? Maybe you just dislike the fact that you don't get to spend enough time with one another? Maybe you dislike ONLY the sloppiness of your partner? Maybe only the lack of respect for time from your partner gets your goat? When you say your marriage is a disaster, are you mistaking the PART for the WHOLE?

Life as a whole?

“My life sucks” oh yeah? Which part of it? You love everything about your life except your job? Oh you love your job but it is the lack of Romantic Partner in your life that gets you? Oh you are married and it is the lack of connect in your marriage that gets you? Your marriage is great but it is the relationship with your siblings that breaks you? Is it just the relationship with your parents that is not working out? Your work is great, you have a great marriage, your relationship with your siblings and parents is ne but it is your health that upsets you? Your health is great but it is the nances that get you? Some part of your life is not working out perhaps not your whole life. So when you say, “My life sucks”, are you mistaking the PART for the WHOLE?

Gaining Perspective

Think about it: When we are going through some misery, do we tend to mistake the PART for the WHOLE and brush aside all the things that are working well for us as inconsequential. When we begin to think of the PARTS that are not working within a job, relationship, life, we put things into perspective and not paint the WHOLE with the black brush. We also realize that we have to work only on the PARTS and that is a smaller task compared to having to work on the WHOLE. Perhaps an easier one too. We look at other people whose life is working out great in the part where our life sucks and wonder why can't my life be like that. Parts of every one's life sucks. Just that, your part differs from mine.

No one can see the WHOLE river standing on the riverside.


 

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Learn To Let Go

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/learn-to-let-go-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

Learn To Let Go

What looks very important, perhaps most urgent and critical today, can one day become only a hazy memory. The anxiety of what may happen often turns out to be completely unfounded worry, and many a time when you feel that there is no solution to a scary situation you are facing now, the solution nds itself. This also applies to situations when things go bad and you do not succeed in whatever you wish to do – the so-called failure becomes a very trivial setback when you look at it after enough time has elapsed.

Priorities in life change, faster than we think. Sometimes what we yearn for very desperately, over a period of time we stop needing or wanting it. Sometimes we even think later that we are better off without it.

Our greatest anxieties are inevitably related in some way or the other to our relationships – the nearest and closest ones. We worry constantly about a loved one, and desperately want things to get better. We feel the pain of a beloved and if there is no way of reducing it, we take upon ourselves the responsibility of brooding, looking for miracles or hoping for changes that we know will not happen.

What we need to do is to learn to let go. Not of the loved one, but about his or her troubles and problems. What we cannot practically solve, or when the loved one does not allow us to solve, we must have the large-heartedness to back off. We can always be there for the person, allow our shoulder to cry upon, our listening ear, our unconditional emotional support – but stop looking all the time for the impossible solution. When you let go of the issues, you develop a strong bond with the person, and even strengthen him to face the challenges of life.

About the author


 

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When You Are Alone

Author: Pooja Jalan

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/when-you-are-alone-by-author-pooja-jalan

Sometimes when you are alone
Sometimes when everything is dark
Sometimes when it's all empty And when you can't feel a thing
That's when you feel unloved, uncared and....
That's when you feel colourless
Like everything is drained out
And you have no emotions left in you
There is a silence then, a silence so deep That's yours and yours only
There is a lot of noise around and people are laughing and talking and cheerful
You can hear it all but feel none of it
There is a silence then, a silence so deep That's yours and yours only
In that silence, in that blankness, in that depth, you swim through your thoughts and you nd someone who is there waiting for you To heal you, to love you, to understand you. You may give him a name, a voice, a face, a story,
You may give him thoughts and feelings
Then reality strikes and there is a lot of noise around and people are laughing and talking and cheerful
You can hear it all but feel none of it
You dive again and again and someday maybe You ask him who he is really and where is he Because you can't see him when reality strikes
And all he does is smile and smile endlessly until he fades away
And you then see a mirror
So clear,
And you see that it was you all along
You say bye to him
With tears dripping down your cheeks
But in your silence you go looking for him always.
And he fades away always.

 

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What a Character!

Author: M N Vishwanath, Sports Counsellor

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/what-a-character-by-author-m-n-vishwanath

The very sight of Vivian Richards walking up to bat chewing a gum and swaying his big square chest – sent a chill down the spine of bowlers all over the world. Dennis Lillee wearing a head band and sporting a drooping moustache was an intimidating sight even for batsman of the likes of Gavaskar, Richards or a Botham. The swagger of the beefy guys like Ian Botham, Mathew Hayden was a sight to behold. These days I like the swagger of Golfer, Dustin Johnson as he strides from one ball to another and one hole to the next. He has condence written all over him as he displays a strong sense of self-belief that helped him to win two majors last year. You won't be surprised if his female followers drool over him saying `what a man! The broad chested Chris Gayle falls in this company.

I would like to add to this list, the names of Andrew Flintoff, Shane Warne, Virat Kohli, Ab De Villiers, Rafa Nadal, Usain Bolt, Tiger Woods, Arnold Palmer [golf] Michael Jordan & Mohamed Ali. And not to forget the queen of tennis, the Iron willed lady- Serena Williams. What is common in all these guys and why would you put them all in one big golden basket of fame? They are all strong characters and possessed some common qualities like:-

  1. They all have the condent swagger as they move in the sporting arena.
  2. They show off self-condence with lots and lots of self-belief oozing out.
  3. They look aggressive but their aggression is positive and not destructive.
  4. 4. They have the killer instinct that seems to say- `I am the best, I will nish you.'
  5. They are not overawed by their opponents instead they put their opponents under `awe.
  6. They seem to inspire millions on their own and create a huge fan following wherever they go.

Virat Kohli is the heart throb of millions in India and an Indian Idol, for sure. He symbolizes the youth force in India and is an inspiration to them. He is such a true `character that he has already led India to many victories and most of his centuries have come after he has taken over India's captaincy. He has passed the true test of character. Who wouldn't want to emulate, Viraat- the samraat.


 

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You Can Deal With Bullies

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/you-can-deal-with-bullies

There are some people (particularly confused adolescents) who purposely act mean or hurtful to others, try to put them down, even when there is no specic reason. They are basically cowards and insecure persons who are trying to become popular, gain control, show off etc.

They may be facing academic difculties, punishment, behavior issues, and may be having pent-up anger which they try to bring out on the softest target. They may also be unloved at home, and have low-self esteem, which they will never admit.

Such people can make you feel sad, depressed, angry, vengeful, scared, confused, worried, or embarrassed. But if you are strong, these feelings go away and you can bounce back over a period of time.

Here are some practical tips that may help in dealing with such people. You may have to try different ones depending on the situation:

  • Act brave, sometimes just acting brave is enough to stop a bully. A bully may be less likely to give you trouble if you walk by as though you're not afraid and hold your head high. Don't have a deant attitude, have relaxed body language, call out t o s o m e o n e casually.
  • Ignore a bully, simply ignoring a bully's threats and walking away robs the bully of his fun. Bullies w a n t a b i g reaction to their t e a s i n g a n d meanness. Acting as if you don't notice and don't care is like giving no reaction at all, and this just might stop a bully's behavior. Even if you are scared inside, don't show it, just move on or continue what you are doing.
  • Stand up for yourself, be assertive and confront him if bullying is mental and tell him to stop. You can look the bully in the eye (without showing anger or fear) and tell him to stop it, and just walk away. Maybe you can explain how it makes you feel. You can also try if you can get another friend to stand by you, and then walk away together. This is called the “buddy” system, and it helps quite often. You can help your friend when he needs you.
  • Don't bully back, don't hit, kick or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your friends. Fighting back just satises a bully and it is dangerous too because someone could get hurt. Its best to stay with others and stay safe.
  • Make groups, travel to school or social events in groups, don't walk alone. Be involved in group activities.
  • Here is something interesting: See if you can reach out to the bully when he is not bullying, just be nice and normal with him, smile, and show that you are not bothered or scared.
  • As far as possible (and if there is no direct threat to your safety) avoid making complaints to authorities. If you deal with it once, you will be empowered to deal with any bully you come across in life.

Bullies are basically cowards, and if you overcome your fear, you will learn to deal with them. Relax, take a deep breath, give yourself some positive strokes ... and tackle them.


 

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Smiling Man

Author: Dr. Shireen Hussain

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/our-own-garbage-smiling-man-by-author-shireen-hussain

It was a very cold morning, I had set out to do so many things and just could not gure out what to do when. The driver parked the car just outside the gate to shut the gate, when standing on the pavement I saw a man enjoying his morning cup of tea. I looked towards him and got a “million dollar smile” from him. I had the good sense to smile back. When the car drove off he even waved at me, and I waved back. Then kept wondering who this person was? His smile just cheered me up.

He was shabbily but completely well dressed, in the sense that he wore shoes, socks, a shirt pants folded upto his knees, a sweater and a cap, all very dirty. I thought and thought, then nally it dawned on me, “Óh! our garbage man, who I had met just last week”. The door bell rang, since there was nobody else at home I answered, and there was this man telling me something in gestures, guessed it was the garbage man and assumed he was asking for his monthly remuneration, ran up got my purse, when the man tells me "Illaa kaas illaa, beega beega, (No not money, key, key). He meant the key to the bin. He told me the bin was dirty so he would wash it and since we lock the bin as some thief carried it away once before, he wanted the key. He did his job so well with a smile on his face, locked the bin gave me the key and when I reached for my purse, he tells me no no no money, a smile and wave of his hand and he left. It was only a week ago and I had forgotten his face, but the smile ashed back.

Then thoughts just went on in my mind, this man does such an essential job for us, do we appreciate him? Or even show our appreciation at least once in a way? On the other hand he reaches out and gives us such warm smiles and greets and wishes us so warmly, do we wish him back? Thank God I had the good sense to wish him that day.

A thought just occurred to me that if only we reach out to one person who collects our garbage ( EACH ONE REACH ONE) and show our appreciation for what he/she does for us, will it make a difference? Appreciation in the form of a gift on festivals or on our Birthdays, or a hot cup of tea or breakfast when they come in the morning to collect the garbage and sweep our streets, a smile, a thank you, instead of just screaming at them that they do a shoddy job. Wish some of us try this and see if it makes a difference. Have not started yet, but want to do it with our own GARBAGE SMILING MAN.

 

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The Same Species

Author: Radhika Prasad

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/the-same-species-by-author-radhika-prasad

The Same Species

It is the same species

That invented anasthesia
And dropped the atom bomb

 

That raped and killed her
And gave his life for another

 

That terrorised families
And protected the Jew

 

That embraced Adi Sankara
And burnt the Christian child

 

That built the irrigation dam
And stole public money

 

That organised the Olympics
And massacred innocents

 

The same species

The only free willed species
Throwing its free will in opposites

a tug of war of wills

The majority will pull it away

Which way?

Free your will
Don't get pulled away.

 

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Gender Related Jealousy

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/jealousy-in-man-woman-relationships-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

While one cannot generalize human behavior, there are certain aspects of jealousy that are typical of men and women. Men have an innate fear of infidelity of their partner, that the partner will cheat on him. Women, on the other hand, often have fear of abandonment. Either of these feelings can lead to jealousy. In fact, it is said that jealousy in man-woman relationships is the most common reasons for murder or highly violent episodes. It is said that even judges fear the torrent of violence that gets unleashed in divorce cases where jealousy is involved.

There is another interesting aspect of gender related jealousy. Consider this example: A handsome young friend of mine teaches adult girls. One student of his become unduly attached to him, and started showering him with all her love and affection. But at the same time, she started making it clear to him that he should not encourage the other students to get close to him, because she feels jealous. He laughed at her and said, “if at all you want to feel jealous, you should feel jealous of my wife. She is much closer to me, and I love her.” The girl was clear in her views “No, sir”, she said “your wife occupies a different dimension in your life, and I am not competing for it. But I cannot tolerate the other girls getting friendly with you.” Men readers – try to decipher that one!

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Denial of Jealousy

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/denial-of-jealousy-by-counsellor-author-life-coach-dr-ali-khwaja

Unfortunately many people who succumb to jealousy are often in a state of denial. Since jealousy is mostly hidden, unlike anger or rage, even others may not realize the extent of jealousy a person is suffering from. At times there may be a curious mixture of feelings. When my colleague gets a promotion or recognition, I my feel extremely happy for him, but I may not be able to avoid feeling jealous. Because the happiness is also genuine, I tend to deny the jealousy part. Internalizing the jealousy may lead to restlessness, irritation. It may also go to the extent of raising blood pressure or growing ulcers.

When in a state of denial, there is a tendency to attribute motives to others. Suspicion and hostility increases exponentially. One can create fantasy situations like imagining that our loved one is trapped by the third person who is a villain in disguise. This is sometimes seen in situations where, for example, a mother feels so jealous of the love her son is getting from his wife, that she may start conjuring up horrifying images of the daughter-in-law as a villain-ess who is out to grab the son by witchcraft or other dubious means, and take him away from the mother. The fascinating part of this fantasizing is that the jealous person wants to believe that the object of his love is not only completely innocent, but is trapped by a shrewd and cunning other, and incapable of deciding for himself how he should lead his life.

Jealousy often masquerades as love, or as healthy competitiveness. We may hear statements like “I love him so much, I am doing it for his own good”. This is the defense mechanism, which is a consequence of denial of jealousy. Hence it is absolutely essential that we be aware of how strongly jealous we are at any time. If you are feeling, or have felt in the past, pangs of jealousy regarding anyone dear to you, answer the following test truthfully and evaluate how strong this feeling is in you.

About the author


 

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  • Do you feel overwhelmed by anxiety and fear?

Just mail your counsellor now, sharing your problems, your worries, your anxieties, your fears. Your counsellor will reply to you, and be there for you until you need her to help you cope and get going.

Leading Banjara Academy's online email counselling team of volunteer-counsellors, I realize it is not an easy task reaching out to a person one has never met, never seen, without the added advantage of gestures, eye contact, a gentle reassuring touch, tone of voice and yet providing empathy, positive strokes, making the person feel heard and understood.

With the aid of only written words, it is quite a task building trust, making people open up and share and helping them cope and feel better. So when in many instances they write back saying thank you and that they feel so much better, the feeling one gets is priceless and incomparable - knowing one has done something right, something good!

Hats off to all the volunteeer-counsellors of Banjara Academy who have been carrying on this work silently, anonymously for the last couple of years. Truly commendable! - Ali Khwaja

 

This website was initially conceived and designed by the late Sitaram N
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Except where otherwise noted, the Content of the Website of Banjara Academy - the text, the audios, the videos, the images - contributed by Dr Ali Khwaja and his team of volunteers at Banjara Academy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.