Let's Share Emotions, Thoughts
How To Overcome Mental Blocks?
Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja
- When faced with a mental block, first take steps to stop panic or anxiety from setting in. Practice deep breathing, yoga, relaxation techniques, and tell yourself that you will take time to overcome the situation, even if it seems quite bad and un-surmountable at present. Developing a positive mental attitude goes a long way.
- Accept the situation, do not try to run away from it. Acknowledge that you are on a sticky wicket, that you may have turbulence for time, and that you may have to make some sacrifices.
- Define the situation and problems in clear terms. If necessary, write it down, clearly outlining what the problem is, and how it is affecting you. If possible, list out the strengths and weaknesses you have in the field that you are about to tackle.
- Then start an extensive brainstorming on all the possible alternatives to get out of the situation. Initially write down even the weirdest thoughts that come to your mind. If you feel that suicide is the only way out, write it down as one of the alternatives – and then look for other options. As your list grows longer, you will realize that you have alternatives. This is absolutely necessary to get out of what is referred to as the TINA (There Is No Alternative) Syndrome, which cripples a person’s thinking.
- Now start short-listing from the above list the ones that are feasible or practical, and the ones that are in your control. If some of them look very difficult, do not eliminate them – as long as they are only DIFFICULT, not IMPOSSIBLE. Over a period of time, you will yourself understand how to make the difficult tasks easier.
- Do some lateral thinking – go sideways instead of straight to your goal. Look left and right to see if by taking a diversion in your thinking or action, you may be able to avoid roadblocks and reach your destination smoothly. It is amazing how lateral thinking at times throws up alternatives that we had not thought of because we felt that they are not in our path towards our goal. Yet, when we actually put these lateral tasks into action, we find them far easier than we had thought they would be.
- If can think of one or two possibilities, then list out why you are afraid to take up those options. You will realize that it is due to one or more of the causes I have listed above in the topic “Why do we get Mental Blocks?” on page 3. Once you become aware of the factors, it will be easier for you to tackle them.
- The moment you succeed in overcoming the blocks and resolving the issue, give yourself a lot of positive strokes, make affirmations of your capability, and tell yourself that if you have done it once, you can do it again and again.
- Some time later, leisurely review how the mental blocks were holding you back from moving ahead and bettering your life. Become aware that you were your own opponent and that you had held yourself back. Resolve never to succumb to such a situation again, and ……… move on to a better quality of life.
Happiness is a way of life
Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja
Almost without exception, all successful, happy or self-actualized people have a habit of doing continuous self-introspection. They find out from time to time where they are headed. They do not get unduly carried away either by praise or by criticism. They are justifiably proud of their talents and abilities, and are aware of their limitations and accept them. You too can be like them, if you start making the effort – NOW.
Daily introspection, daily march past.. at the end of the day … all the things you did, all the thoughts that you carried, all the emotions you felt, classify them according to the significance you give them… see what you wish to change and work at it. It is slow… but achievable. You may find that a few things don’t even matter to you anymore… this will tell you how far you have grown.
“A Touching Tale"
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/touch-the-final-bonding-to-interpersonal-relationships
Of all the senses in a human being, the sense of touch is the one which gives the final bonding to interpersonal relationships. The use of touch has varied over the ages, and in different societies. People have generally touched each other in various ways to indicate their closeness or acceptance of others. Indian society has built up its own norms of touching, based on social status, proximity of the Toucher and Touchee, and the gender difference.
In Indian society, a man cannot touch his own wife in public without feeling self- conscious. In clustered urban homes the problem acquires severe, often comic, proportions. If an elderly relative or parent is present in the house, the young husband dare not show any signs of physical affection towards his wife. And the same is true once his children have gone beyond pre-adolescent ages. Young couples often have to resort to romancing in anonymous public places since their home offers no privacy.
Yet touch is one of the most beautiful and essential means of expressing love, showing care, feeling secure, experiencing warmth, and even improving blood circulation. If this article has “touched” you, please go and give a loving pat, hug, handshake, arm on the shoulder, or a gentle kiss to someone you love.
“An Aam Aadmi from a different era"
Author: Radha Padmanabhan (Indian express chennai)
Banjara Acadamey's Helping Hand volunteer
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/the-real-aam-aadmi-by-author-radha-padmanabhan
He was sitting there all alone in a third class waiting room of the Calicut railway station. We had expected the room to be crowded with dignitaries belonging to the government, with news reporters and others. So we almost missed him. He was reading a newspaper and his back was turned towards us. We thought he was someone else, not the man we had come to meet, until he put down the newspaper. The room was dirty, dusty and not spruced up as it is now. He did not ask for help nor were there any toadies round to curry favours because favours he would give none. He was waiting at the station for a connecting train that was expected in a few hours. This was way back in the early ’60s.
He was entitled to command the best government accommodation and his needs to be looked after, but he preferred not to. He was a freedom fighter and was awarded the Bharat Ratna. He was a staunch protector of his political principles and never hesitated to disagree with his closest associates.
In some ways he is lucky that he did not live to see the present political scenario with all the scams that are being exposed. Rip-offs, fraud, trickery, swindles, amassing money by means of deception, fake-photos, non-existent addresses, non-existent directors of companies, companies without addresses...the list is endless. Election promises are made claiming to represent the aam aadmi. CR represented the aam aadmi — he was the real aam aadmi.jcomments on}
“Different Ways of Life"
Author: Balasubramanian TK
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/different-ways-of-life-by-author-balasubramanian-tk
This happened on a winter evening, when we were having chilly winds with intermittent rains, cloudy throughout, with slush on all the roads, all because of the cyclone Neelam. Very keen to attend a music program, we decided self-driving to the venue was not a wise option, risking the traffic jam of the festive season, and water-filled potholes thanks to the on-going work of the Metro in the K R Road stretch. As such, there was no alternative but to try our luck to get an Auto.
As we were walking towards the bus stop it was a surprise to find an Auto driver slowing down by our side and enquiring where we wanted to go. We were actually walking in the opposite direction of our destination to the Bus stop, and with least hope of his positive response, we told him our destination is N R Colony. We felt we won a jackpot when he said after a bit of thinking, “OK”, and asked us to get in. He checked with us which route he should take: whether the shorter slushy one or the longer one with busy traffic. We left the option to him so long as he takes us nearer our home, and he chose the shorter one!
In the course of his driving he further narrated an incident that happened in his Auto: A passenger was taking his elderly father in his Auto, and that person was rather rude in talking to his father, which was not to the liking of this Auto driver. After a while he could not stand it anymore and he told the son that if he continues to talk in such a vein to his father, he may as well get out of his Auto, as he cannot tolerate disrespect to elders, even if they are not related to him. We once again admired his courage of conviction, and his well principled views on life and we were happy we could come across such a person, after enjoying a nice evening of music.
“For a Roof Over Your Head"
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/home-sweet-home
If you are old enough (and willing to admit it), you will remember the good old days when you spent your childhood in a house full of children. Mattresses would be laid out everywhere -- - uncles, aunts, grannies and cousins would sleep in every conceivable nook and corner of the house. You were not even aware that the house is too small for so many people, and that it would get even smaller as the children grew up.
When you took up your first job, grannies and aunts would animatedly discuss about your matrimonial alliances. You were fantasizing about the demure and pretty bride or the handsome groom who would soon come to share your life. Was it then that you realized that you would some day need not just a room, but a home for yourself?
Next may have come the stage when you actually started planning to acquire that dream house — and found your dreams vanishing in a cloud of smoke. For, if you live in a metropolitan city, at first calculation you would have found that it would take you the equivalent of 200 months of salary to buy even the most modest of apartments in a far flung extension of your city. An architect designed bungalow with a lawn would cost nearer to 1,000 months salary (if you took no portion of it home even for food expenses!) If you are a middle class salaried person, just looking at newspaper ads and the prices of houses (if you can count the number of zeroes), probably would make you wonder why you were not born a pigeon or a crow!
Banjara Acadamey's Helping Hand volunteer
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/just-believe-in-your-self-by-author-apparao
The business executive was deep in debt and could see no way out. Creditors were closing in on him. Suppliers were demanding payment. He sat on the park bench, head in hands, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy. Suddenly an old man appeared before him. “I can see that something is troubling you,” he said. After listening to the executive’s woes, the old man said, “I believe I can help you.” He asked the man his name, wrote out a cheque, and pushed it into his hand saying, “Take this money. Meet me here exactly one year from today, and you can pay me back at that time.” Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.
Exactly one year later, he returned to the park with the uncashed cheque. At the agreed- upon time, the old man appeared. But just as the executive was about to hand back the cheque and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man. “I’m so glad I caught him!” she cried. “I hope he hasn’t been bothering you. He’s always escaping from the rest home and telling people he’s John D. Rockefeller.” And she led the old man away by the arm.
Just believe in your self and trust that you can do almost everything......jcomments on}
Self Improvement – A New Method
Author: Clifford Martis
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/improving-ourselves-by-counsellor-author-clifford-martis
There are many self- improvement methods and modes. Many people have become famous by their writings on this popular subject. For example Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, Stephen Covey, Shiv Khera etc. Many of these authors stress the point of re-training our mind for goal setting, positive thinking, auto suggestion, meditation and so on.
Before proceeding further with my theory I wish to mention that almost all of us have the habit of negating the words of praise. We say various things like, “No, no, I don’t deserve all that. It is only your generosity which makes you say so” or “No sir, I think you are pulling my legs. I don’t think I deserve all this praise”
It is a strange thing that people who yearn and crave for praise and appreciation find themselves unable to gracefully accept praise when it is showered upon them. This is a peculiar character of most human beings. They like it when someone praises them but they do not accept the praise gracefully but say various funny things.
On one occasion someone said I was one of the best faculty members in an institute teaching insurance. Before I could accept the compliment another senior person said, “Not one of the best but the best” Believe me from that day onwards my entire attention and effort was concentrated on really becoming the best faculty in that institute.
There are two exceptions to my theory of accepting praise gracefully and gratefully. One is when someone praises you sarcastically. People are good at making sarcastic remarks. So if you clearly see something sarcastic being said about you then you may just smile and keep quiet. Another case is when someone makes a clear joke. I mentioned some friends who wanted me to stand for election to the post of President. I tried to react by another joke. In all other cases we would do well to accept praise and appreciation gratefully and gracefully.
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/the-most-potentially-dangerous-emotion
Anger, the most potentially dangerous emotion, is acquiring alarming proportions all around us. We have moved from a slow and satisfied lifestyle to one that makes tremendous demands on us and rewards us with unimaginable luxuries. Added to that is the consumer culture that almost forces you to buy, buy, buy. It is an age of instant gratification, and use-and- throw.
Anger is natural and is there in all of us. In fact it is contagious. It tends to accumulate, pile up, and overflow when we do not keep it in check. Anger cannot be managed by suppressing it, nor can it be got rid of by pouring it out on someone. It needs to be channeled, let out in proper dosages and in the right direction – like the steam from a pressure cooker.
A Real Eidee
Author: Sandhya Javali
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/eid-mubarak-by-author-sandhya-javali
Recently when I was in Kashmir along with some 200 girls for sight seeing, one small incident there made me think about lie in our education system. Is it because of upbringing that today’s children are forgetting their basic values like respecting elders, concern about others? Or whether the luxurious, modern equipments, working parents, single child scenario has made this generation more and more self-centered and selfish? Where we are failing as teachers? Or are we failing as parents to instill good values in youngsters? Day in and in day out I see more and more youngsters not getting up to offer seats to old, pregnant ladies in buses even if it is a 5 min. journey. May be because of the “I am self-efficient” “I can take care of myself” attitude?
I was highly disappointed as I badly wanted to use the washroom and rest. I sat on the sofa, shivering in cold outside the hotel room, sadly observing girls moving in and out. Some, with little concern (?) asked me “Ma’am, why are you sitting outside?” After knowing the reason “oh” was the only response. Nobody offered to help, even the thought of calling me into their rooms didn’t cross their mind. They were worried about the next program, time for dinner etc.
A young employee Md. Aman, who had spoken to me earlier, returned with genuine concern –“Madam, you are still sitting here in this cold?” He offered me his room to relax in, and I asked him hesitatingly –“your room? Don’t you go home?” He said – “I go but once in a month” and he took my hand bag, opened the room, which was like any other hotel room over there, except that in one corner all freshly ironed bedspreads were piled up. He hurriedly put a new bed cover, gave a blanket to keep me warm, switched on the T.V and said, “sit comfortably, how long will you sit there waiting for other madams to come?”
That day being “Eid” (Bada-Din) for them, I wished him with all my heart ‘Eid mubarak’ and he left saying ‘Apko bhi hamari taraf se’
“The wonderful phenomenon of the Indian Maid Servant"
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/the-maid-servant-of-the-house
In my childhood the maid servant of the house was a very conveniently available lady in the house with whom children could play, share innocent sorrows, treat her badly without being scolded, and generally have the reassurance that someone is around in the house. Those were the days of full-time live-in maid servants.
Recently there was a discussion in our Counselling Skills class where each participant was asked to identify who was currently the “most important person in her life”. Many said children, some mentioned parents, one-odd person did mention spouse, and then, like a bolt out of the blue, one person said, “Of course, my maid servant.” She backed it up by explaining, “If my husband is late by a couple of hours, I get a little anxious – but if my maid is late by half an hour, I start getting a heart attack. So who is more important?”
There is a constant clamour of how maid servants have not only become more and more expensive, they never come on time, take offs whenever they feel like (obviously without informing, even in these days of mobile phones). The other day one Mistress asked her maid why she did not come for three days, and promptly she replied, “I had put up on my Facebook account that I am going for a pilgrimage. In fact Saar (the man of the house) even commented ‘Like’ to that!”
It intrigues me that in this age when most women have become highly educated, are earning so well, juggling and balancing their roles at home and office so successfully, why they are unable to find a solution to the perpetual ‘Maid’ issue. There is obviously no ‘Maid-to- order’ solution, but there should certainly be some way of working out something for the satisfaction of the home-maker and home-cleaner. Any reader has any answers?
“Communication and Reaching out in Marriage – A Personal Sharing"
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/who-will-feed-their-emotional-needs-by-author-laxmi
The state in which I am today, definitely has financial instability, but somewhere deep down within there is a reassurance which is keeping me going and telling me that it’s just a passing phase. I have always been a very confident and carefree person, a go-getter for anything I have desired in life.
I cried and cried, not realizing where I went wrong. On introspection, I realized that there was no communication between us. Instead of getting into altercations, we chose not to express till it became a habit and we gave it the label of giving “space” to each other.
I was scared that my mother will not be able to take up this news. But to my surprise she came to my rescue like an angel. My family supported me a lot in this whole transition. The change of place helped me in re-building my lost faith and self confidence. I got associated with people who taught me that I need to give my life a meaning by putting and end to my past and moving on. I am in the process of unlearning and relearning for a bright future for myself and my kids.
We actually live in a virtual world. We have gadget to do what we want but we have no gadgets to feel. We are so accommodative and flexible to the unknown people why can’t we be the same to our near and dear ones. Who will feed their emotional needs? What happens to our life partners, whom we choose and celebrate that event year after year, to remind ourselves that togetherness is happiness, but are we really happy? If only we can remind ourselves that happiness is within us and we need to communicate our needs and want, life would be much more easy and worth living. We have not been taught to be expressive, but it is one of the essential pre- requisites for a happy family. It’s a food for thought before it’s too late to extract time from Facebook and live our life face to face.
“Do you Value yourself?Maid Servant "
Perma-link for article: http://www.banjaraacademy.org/when-you-value-something-you-look-after-it-well
When you value something, you look after it well, don’t you? If you have a bike or a gadget that is expensive and delicate, then you will ensure that it is always kept safely, serviced regularly, and used properly. Perhaps the most valuable asset that you have, and which came free of cost to you, is your life. You have been personally and intricately carved out by your Creator – and if you have any doubt about it, just look at the inner side of your thumb. The curved lines you see on it are called “fingerprint.” Do you know that among 700 crore people in this world, no one, absolutely no one, has the same fingerprint as yours? The same way the Almighty has given you a ‘mental’ fingerprint which is uniquely yours.
If you are a girl or woman, ask yourself whether you have good self-esteem and self-worth. Here are some relevant points:
- Check self statements of “put-downers”, i.e. how you put yourself down by saying or thinking negative things about yourself, or consider yourself inferior, particularly with regard to men.
- Distortions in your statements i.e. what is the actual truth about your qualities, capabilities and equality with all humans.
- Review who has made you feel inferior or inadequate, whether somewhere sometime someone has made you believe all these negative thoughts about yourself.
- Think and write down what the truth is, and the rebuttal to the negative statements.
- Make friends with yourself. Give positive strokes and rewards to yourself.
- On a day to day basis, repeat “Affirmations” of what you are and what you can do.
- Keep a diary or note book and write every day: (a) Some good qualities of yours (b) Some good deeds you have done that day.
If you are a boy or man, understand that your responsibility to yourself and to society is even higher. Answer a few thought-provoking questions to yourself truthfully:
- Do you feel that women are inferior, need to be looked after?
- Do you at times look at any strange woman as a sexual object?
- Do you feel that it is okay to break minor civic rules when no one is watching or no one may be affected?
- Do you tend to compete recklessly, at times bending ethics, in order to succeed in your targets or work?
- Do you sometimes find your anger going out of control?
If you have answered “yes” to even one or two of the above questions, then YOU are contributing to the problems that society and the world are facing increasingly. Terrorists and rapists were also ordinary men like you once upon a time – they neglected their basic values, bent morals here and there, and went down the roller-coaster ride from where they could never come out.
“First they came for the Jews,
But I did not speak out,
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists,
And I did not speak out,
Because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade-unionists,
And I did not speak out,
Because I was not a trade-unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics,
And I did not speak out,
Because I was not a Catholic.
Then they came for me,
And there was no one left to speak out for me.”
Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja
I read about the amazing person who recently became the first Jesuit to be elevated as a Pope (Francis I). I read that he lived in a small apartment in Argentina instead of the palace that he was entitled to as Archbishop earlier. He used to travel by city buses. When appointed Pope, he went quietly to the hotel where he was staying, paid his bill and picked up his luggage. He refused to use the bullet-proof Pope-mobile, and got into a van with other priests. He is even dressing in simple white. His sense of humour was reflected when he thanked the Cardinals for electing him, and added “May God forgive you” for choosing him. He spoke not so much about religious sermons but about the need to make the church serve the poor and to give a boost to inter-religious dialogue.
I am not a Catholic, not a Christian. But I don’t even have to be a believer in God to believe in the goodness of human beings. All I need to do is to open my eyes, look beyond the media and gossip of corruption and terrorism, and cherish the knowledge of such wonderful people around me, regardless of their religious affiliation or their status in life. This way I can make my own life so utterly livable, enjoyable and hopeful.
Page 1 of 26«StartPrev12345678910NextEnd»
FREE Online Psychological Counselling by Banjara Academy for anyone, anywhere in the world
- Are you stressed about your child?
- Is your marriage in trouble?
- Are you stressed about your education?
- Do you feel overwhelmed by anxiety and fear?
Just mail your counsellor now, sharing your problems, your worries, your anxieties, your fears. Your counsellor will reply to you, and be there for you until you need her to help you cope and get going.
Leading Banjara Academy's online email counselling team of volunteer-counsellors, I realize it is not an easy task reaching out to a person one has never met, never seen, without the added advantage of gestures, eye contact, a gentle reassuring touch, tone of voice and yet providing empathy, positive strokes, making the person feel heard and understood.
With the aid of only written words, it is quite a task building trust, making people open up and share and helping them cope and feel better. So when in many instances they write back saying thank you and that they feel so much better, the feeling one gets is priceless and incomparable - knowing one has done something right, something good!
Hats off to all the volunteeer-counsellors of Banjara Academy who have been carrying on this work silently, anonymously for the last couple of years. Truly commendable! - Ali Khwaja
Online Diploma Course in Counselling Psychology - Advantages, Benefits, Features
Banjara Academy's online diploma course in counselling skills has the following advantages:
- Open to all - any age (over 18 years), any walk of life –
do check out the successful students of our online counselling course.
- Do it from home (anywhere in the world).
- Do it in your spare/free time.
- Do it in 6-8 months sparing 2-3 hours a week, the International Graduate Diploma in Counselling Skills course (IGDCS).
Important features of Banjara Academy's online psychological counselling diploma course, IGDCS:
- Highly Experienced Faculty of Wonderful Human Beings First and then Counsellors, Psychologists, Medical Professionals, Special Educators, Human Resources Experts
- Interactive Course - Dedicated One-on-One Mentoring
- Online Questionnaires
- Online Assignments with detailed feedback
- Online Assessment
- Audio/Video Lectures
- Case Studies/Practicals
Jobs Available, Work Opportunities for Counsellors
Free Booklets for Downloading
- Free Download-Emagazine: Banjara Careers, January 2017 issue, for courses, careers, choices, selections - for students, parents, teachers
- Free Download-Booklet: How You Can Become Assertive-Tips and Techniques
- Free Download-Booklet: You too can reach out - a handbook of counselling skills
- Free Download-Booklet: How You Can Nurture, Rebuild Your Relationships - Practical Tips
- Free Download-Emagazine: Banjara Careers, December 2016 issue, for courses, careers, choices, selections - for students, parents, teachers
- Free Downloads-Booklets
- Free Downloads-EMagazines
- Read more...
- Read more...
- Read more...
- Read more...
Is Success An illusion? - Video talk in which Dr Ali says that there is success in this world and it is not an illusionRead more...
Free Audio Files for Downloading
Free Download-Public-Domain-Audio Talk, Podcast: Work-Life Balance for Better Relationships, a Happy Life by Dr Ali Khwaja, Author, Counsellor, Life Coach, TrainerRead more...
Free Download-Public-Domain-Audio File: Women Midlife Crisis by Dr Ali Khwaja, Author, Expert Counsellor, Life Coach, TrainerRead more...
Free Download-Public-Domain-Audio File: Why We Should Help Strangers by Dr Ali Khwaja, Author, Expert Counsellor, Life Coach, TrainerRead more...
Free Download-Public-Domain-Audio File: Why We Fool Ourselves by Dr Ali Khwaja, Author, Expert Counsellor, Life Coach, TrainerRead more...
Free Download-Public-Domain-Audio File: Why Children Tell Lies by Dr Ali Khwaja, Author, Expert Counsellor, Life Coach, TrainerRead more...
Special Banjara Academy Events
Banjara Academy's Manthan Camp "Strengthening Your Special Relationships" - from 6 to 8 January 2017 at Banjara Academy's Manthan Retreat, Yelahanka, BengaluruRead more...
Banjara Academy's Helping Hand Annual Day Celebrations Held on 10 December 2016 at Banjara Academy's Manthan Retreat, Yelahanka, BengaluruRead more...
'Providing Sex Education at Home' - Workshop for Parents, Teachers, Counsellors on 12 November 2016 at Banjara Academy, R T Nagar, BengaluruRead more...
A Report on Banjara Day Celebrations Held on 18 October 2016 at Banjara Academy, R T Nagar, BengaluruRead more...
- Read more...
Except where otherwise noted, the Content of the Website of Banjara Academy - the text, the audios, the videos, the images - contributed by Dr Ali Khwaja and his team of volunteers at Banjara Academy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.