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Fear of Losing a Relationship

Author: Dr. Ali Khwaja

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Relationships affect our happiness more than anything else. We look for our own needs in close relationships (whether we admit it or not) and our expectations from them are often very high. We get hurt by slightest actions or words of our loved ones. Relationships are dynamic, and they have to be nurtured at all times.

Defined and labeled relationships are slowly giving way to more of the undefined ones, relationships of convenience, etc. All the more reason that we need to invest in relationships that are important to us.

Fear of losing relationships can be due to (1) death or (2) separation. How we need to deal with these two fears is completely different. In both cases, understand yourself first, be aware of your good and bad qualities, strive to make yourself emotionally likeable. Be aware that “What I am” is different from “what image I project.” At all times avoid Dependency, Craving, Obsession. Clinging to a person only worsens the relationship. Do not look in black and white – no relationship can ever be perfect.

Fear of Losing a Relationship

If you have past bitter experience of losing someone, do not bring those memories into your current relationship. Similarly, be aware that relationships deteriorate slowly, and we realize only when things get very bad. Ask yourself if you tend to desperately hang on to dead, dying or even suffocating relationships. Break free.

When facing differences, argue on issues, not on personalities. Be constructive when complaining to the other person instead of pointing fingers. Identify the fears in your mind, and rationalize them. Do the “Worst Case Scenario” introspection, and – hope for the best while you prepare for the worst. In extreme cases, remind yourself that at times losing a relationship opens the doors to other deeper ones, and a better quality of life.

If you feel that you “cannot live without him/her”, then do ask yourself why you are incomplete without another individual. Build your self-esteem. Relationships sustain best in the long run when there is no dependency or force.

Fear of Losing a Relationship

Sometimes you may be scared to allow someone to come too close, for fear of loss of the person later. If so, ask yourself: By trying to protect yourself against hurt, are you missing out on getting happiness?

Accept the fact that there is no such thing as “permanent” relationship. We may lose our loved one to death, distance, change in lifestyle or withering away of the love. Work on your important relationships when things are going fine, and ensure that when you are alone you will not be lonely. If you practice the tips I have given above, you will never go into distress whatever happens.

“Never try to maintain relationships in your life, just try to maintain life in your relations”

About the author


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