Jaagruthi Counsellors Forum

Happy Married Life, Why and How?

Date: 13 July 2012

Srilatha said that people’s expectations and its outcome defines happy marriage. Successful marriage needs to be worked hard. Lot of commitment and respect is required towards each other to guide your own attitude and responses. Being proactive and helping each other by converting negative issues and emotions to positive and less of arguments goes a long way towards making a married life happier.

Akaash talked about the Why?

Marriage is a commitment sharing and for satisfaction of physical needs and protection. Youngsters of today need to be taught to enjoy marriage.

Young couple
Image Credit: mynameisharsha, cc-by-sa-2.0, flickr.com
About How? He gave certain tips as:
  • Recognize individual’s Independence
  • Reduce anger
  • Have communications
  • Give positive affirmations or a hug to each other every day
  • Resolve the issues before you sleep - not carry it to the next day
  • Don’t bring in the past.

Sucheta believes that marriage is between two families. She shared her own experiences of lots of expectations from husband, in laws, relatives, people looking to find faults and comment. Lots of old people to take care of. She could keep up her sanity and maintain a happy married life only after learning to keep calm and maintain silence. She was able to change negative situation to positive one with her patience.

Lalitha said that the alcoholic husband and her authoritative attitude brought their marriage to a breaking point. She felt like giving up but, counselling helped her to bring more insight into her. She was able to handle things in a better way, could bring in changes in her husband and both happy now with children and grandchildren. She is now reaching out to many people going through the issues of alcohol. She is happy about the present.

Sirisha expressed that marriages are needed for mental and physical health. Failure of marriage is infidelity. Failure may be because of the fear of commitment. One needs to experience a good marriage of their parents to have a good marriage for self. There is a need to give space, quality time, trust and communication to each other and also need to compromise a lot.

Old couple
Image Credit: mynameisharsha, cc-by-sa-2.0, flickr.com

Indrani feels at home with her own marriage. She believes that marriage is a pact between two people and you need different skills at different stages of life to get it glues and keep it glued. One needs preparation, readiness, skills and right attitude for happy marriage and a need to work towards it. “Just do it” marriage is –pain and pleasure, positive and negative, attitude and perception, adjustment, trust, having fun and feel comfortable.

Varahi came to find solutions for her own issues of marriage. She shared her own life experience. Loss of parents at a very early age, no direction, got married and is facing troubled marriage. Came from a troubled marriage of parents and bad experiences- her own marital life is not well settled, but has a husband who gives her emotional support at times and can be abusive at times. Her exposure to a counsellor, counselling course and introspection has enabled her to balance her life. She feels that her 6 year old daughter is her binding factor and she wants to keep her marriage intact and put in her efforts. Others input have helped her.

Dhanush introspects the 40 years of marriage and actually questions if marriage and happiness go together? He married as his mom told him that he needs someone to cook for him, so got married. He opined that marriage is a must for two people being happy, can make the family happy and so the society. In life happiness and sorrow comes in bits and pieces. While you are in stress, think of good moments in life-and make it happier. Happiness is not a continuous process, and difficulties are also not continuous. To understand happiness, there is a need for difficulties too.

Veena's marriage is full of learning, learnt lot of things from watching others. Happy marriage is not a myth, it can be created it you really want to. Marriage is between two families. Lot of patience, giving is needed. Took care of the in-laws family as own that makes a lot of difference.

Priya is not sure of the status, but strongly feels that she is still in marriage even after the husband has passed away. Marriage is essential to feel complete, fulfilled. Marriage is between two families, even after the demise of one partner, the in-laws, children keep it together. We all seek happiness all the time, and this is one way of keeping yourself happy. Marriage is a team work, where both need to work towards it. Giving is the key, lot of trust between each other, communication, commitment are very much needed. Always giving unconditional support, even in the times of difficulties, to the spouse had been her secret of happy marriage. Now also has no regret that she failed in anything.

All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the speakers.

 

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